Tuesday, June 19, 2018

JOKES, JOKES, AND MORE JOKES

Seems like all of my grandchildren love jokes. My problem is I can't seem to remember most jokes. To solve that problem, I decided to write a post of jokes I could share with them. If I hear any I just can't resist, I'll come back and add them. 

Here is a picture of my husband and me with our six beautiful grandchildren. It was made a couple of years ago and they are growing fast. Need to get together with both families so we can have a new picture made.



Ready for some jokes, now?

?  What is easy to get into but difficult to get out of?
A  Trouble

?  Why was the math book sad?
A  Because it had so many problems

?  What do you get from a pampered cow?
A  Spoiled milk

?  What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A  Refrigerator

?  What is red and smells like blue paint?
A  Red paint.

?  Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
A  It was two (too) tired

?  What did the blanket say to the bed?
A  Don't worry, I've got you covered

?  What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A  Beef Jerky

?  How many books does it take to fill an empty backpack?
A  One, after that it isn't empty anymore.

?  What do you call a funny mountain?
A  Hill - arious!

?  What word is spelled wrong in the dictionary?
A  WRONG

?  What kind of key opens a banana?
A  A monkey

?  Which month do Soldiers hate most?
A  The month of March

?  Where does Friday come before Thursday?
A  In the dictionary

?  What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A  "Put it on my bill."

?  What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A  Swimming trunks

?  What kind of dog keeps the best time?
A  A watch dog

?  Why was the plumber depressed?
A  Because his career was going down the drain

?  What is the longest word there is?
A  Smiles ... because there is a "mile" between the first and the last letter

?  What's as big as a skyscraper, but weighs nothing at all?
A  A skyscraper's shadow

?  Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
A  Because of his coffin. 

?  What did the horse say when he fell?
A  "Help. I've fallen and can't giddy up."

?  What flies when it is on and floats when it's off?
A  A feather

?  Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A  A taxi driver

?  What two things can you not have for breakfast?
A  Lunch and Dinner

?  What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
A  It get toad away.

?  Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A  Because the chicken joke hadn't been written yet

?  What is black and red(read) all over?
A  A sunburned zebra or a newspaper (If person says one of the answers, tell them no and say the other answer.)

?  Why did the traffic light turn red?
A  You would too if you had to change in front of all those people

?  Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A  Because it wanted to get to the other slide

?  What has a bottom at the top?
A  Your legs

?  What do you call a dog that stays on the beach all day?
A  A hot dog

?  Why do birds lay eggs?
A  Because if they dropped them, they would break

?  What has one foot and four legs?
A  A bed

? How can you tell the difference between a can of cat food and a can of dog food?
A  Read the labels

?  Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A  Because it's too far to walk

?  Which hand do you write with?
A  None, I usually use a pencil

?  Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A  Because 7 8 9 (seven ate nine)

?  How can you keep a bull from charging?
A  Take away his credit cards

? Why aren't teddy bears ever hungry?
A  Because they are always stuffed

?  What has two legs but can't run?
A  A pair of pants

?  What did Tennessee?
A  The same thing Arkansas

?  What do you call a snowman with a sunburn?
A  A puddle

How about some Knock, Knock jokes?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Juno
Juno who?
Juno what time it is?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gorilla
Gorilla who?
Gorilla cheese sandwich

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Tank
Tank who?
You're welcome.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Radio
Radio who?
Radio not, here I come!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Pencil
Pencil who?
Pencil fall down if I don't wear a belt.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Repeat
Repeat who?
Repeat, repeat, repeat

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ice cream
Ice Cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Augusta
Augusta who?
Augusta wind blew my hat off.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Anita
Anita who?
Anita a tissue. Ah choo!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Cow's go
Cow's go who?
No, cow's go moo

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Turnip
Turnip who?
Turnip the tv please.












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